When there's a disconnect with your family during your planning...

For a lot of couples, planning a wedding has it’s overwhelming moments, even when you have a planner behind you through the entire process. One thing that can make it feel more challenging is when family members don’t agree with your plans. They want you to have a plated dinner, but you want it served family style. They want to contribute to your budget so you’ll choose a different venue. They want you to elope, so you’ll spend less money. These things happen, A LOT. You’re not alone, I promise. Wedding planning can bring plenty of emotions to the table, causing tension in a family, and even between friends.

When you find yourself struggling with how to address this with your family, here’s a few tips:

  • Listen to their ideas
  • Validate their feelings
  • Disagree, respectfully
  • Don’t over explain yourself, you don’t need to
  • Find a way to incorporate something that means a lot to them
  • Try to set the boundary and expectations in the beginning: if you want them to be an integral part of your planning, let them know and if not, let them know that too


I also have a letter just for you. I’ve written below, but I've also attached it as a PDF, so you can share it with Mom, Dad, or whoever you'd like to share it with.


Hey you!

We are SO excited for our marriage and our wedding day!! Being engaged is the best feeling and planning our wedding is a big deal! We already know that we want it to be a reflection of who we are and what we value. We’re looking forward to this journey and along the way, we know that there’s going to be a lot of decision making, which will only help us grow in our relationship.

We absolutely understand that you may want to feel a part of the planning, so please be honest with us about what you’d like your role to be. There is a chance that the role you envision during our planning is exactly what we want! There’s also a chance that it’s different than what we would like to see, so we’ll also be honest with you. We don’t want anyone to feel surprised or hurt.

When we’re planning, there are probably going to be times that you want to share ideas and opinions you have, which we’re grateful for! We value those thoughts. Throughout our journey, we would love to hear your ideas, even if they differ from ours. You may share light on something that we haven’t thought of or offer a new perspective when we seem closed off to an idea. If there’s something that’s super important to you, tell us. But remember, we may not like your ideas. When these differences in our opinions arise, because they will, we need you not to get upset with us. We won’t be upset with you. We will do our best to share our differing ideas carefully and respectfully. We need you to still be you and respect that we disagree. Trust us on our planning path.

We value this one really special day so much. It’s a day for us to celebrate marriage with all of our loved ones and we can’t wait for that part! It’s also a fun chance for us to show off a little bit of our style in a creative way.

Overall, we need you to remember that this is our big celebration and we’ll make most of the decisions based on what’s best for us and what we love. We know that won’t be easy because this is also a really big day for you. You’re proud of us and who we’ve become!

We want you to enjoy our celebration and relish in the excitement of it all!!

Cassie Fier