This week has not been the most glorious. In fact, last night, I couldn’t escape the tears.
I read blogs and instagram posts from other entrepreneurs often. I listen to people tell me that entrepreneurship isn’t easy.
I’m with them, I know it isn’t easy. Every day, I’m the one that has to be motivated to work from home, avoid distractions. Every day, I have to try to build my business and connect with ideal clients who need my services. Every day, I have to make important decisions that ultimately affect my family.
Here’s the part I haven’t read so much about and it’s hitting me HARD this week: a paycheck.
I haven’t quite figured this part out and last night after arriving home from dinner at a friends, I curled up on the couch. Panic struck. I began really wondering how the heck we are going to pay our mortgage, buy groceries, and do the fun things we love that drive us (which honestly is gas money so that we can get to the mountains)! Of course I see money in my bank account, but I’m afraid to use it and I haven’t even starting giving myself a paycheck. I went from not needing my business money because I had a full time job to actually, depending on it. But almost 40% that’s in there doesn’t belong to me anyways-- (thanks government?).
I didn’t think it would make me feel this sick to my stomach.
Finances can run people’s lives. I wish it wasn’t true, but in many cases it is, and I believe it.
Diving full time into Doting and Details was a risk, a huge one. Last night, all I could do was second guess myself. I started looking for the random chance of a teaching position at this point in the year. Well guys, there IS one. An immediate opening. I can’t tell you how long I stared at the screen considering whether or not I should apply. I wanted to apply. It would feel safer. I’d just go back to working non-stop around the clock. I can do that, and do it well.
Then Dustin chimed in and straight up told me no. I have to try this year. We may struggle, we may be able to give very little at Christmas, we may not be able to ski much, but I’ve got to give every bit of myself into what I want. Dreams come true when you put in the work. There’s probably going to be 100 more days ahead that feel like last night. (I think I’ve had 3 in the past 5 days). But I know it’s worth it and I also know that I’m going to figure it out, slowly. Sometimes, we learn by doing. I’m not sure anyone could prepare me for this part of entrepreneurship.
So entrepreneur friends, I’d love your help! If you have any insight into this scary piece of owning a business, I’d seriously love an email or a phone call from you! How do you deal with a lack of consistency, especially when you have things depending on your paycheck.
A former colleague of mine (and mother of one of my former students) gave me a bracelet at the end of the school year. It reads, “trust.” This bracelet that I wear daily gives me a reminder to trust myself; trust in what I’m doing. Some days I trust more than others, but every day, I certainly try.